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Post by Nightmare From The Abyss on Dec 22, 2004 14:12:51 GMT 10
hey aura! i really liked your first poem. one quick little hint i might add, your middle line goes like this:
Aroura wanders through the ages Like a book that tells of time's distant pages.
I was just thinking that you might take out the "of" in the second half... forgive me if i seem persnickety and all, its kinda in my nature. the first half has 9 syllables, and the second has 11, so by knocking the "of" off, you would make it a bit closer in count, and more rythmic.
Again, ignore this post completely if you wish to, i'm just tryin to offer my perspective.
all your poems are very nice though! keep up the good work!
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Post by ara46 on Dec 24, 2004 5:21:37 GMT 10
thank you for the advice I'll try it sometime.and you are kind'a right.
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Post by Goldmoon on Dec 24, 2004 13:20:05 GMT 10
Ahh such nice poems to. Lets see here. The Light End..yes is a dark one of forboding in a way, as if the person is dying already. Words were choosen well and the rhyming done good to. Looking for Myself..Seems to be a journey to find yourself and that light at the end of the tunnel.Very nice job sweets. "Gives chocolate cookies" *g*
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Post by ara46 on Dec 25, 2004 9:00:18 GMT 10
*smiles shyly and blushs*thank you for the compliments.I think The Light Ends was kind of a mirror to my feelings at the time.and Looking for myself is basicly what I am doing right now.
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Post by ara46 on Dec 30, 2004 14:14:47 GMT 10
I've been considering wether to put this on the thread or not.hope you like it. My Last Chance If I fail now every thing is lost, I am doomed to lose at any cost, Please God help me find my way, So I can live another day, O lord I am lost and need your help, I dont know what to do, I am looking up to you, Please give me time, To finish this ryhme, And save myself....
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Post by Queen Arwen on Dec 30, 2004 14:38:53 GMT 10
Ah a very special message in this one. Seems like you need to find someone or something to help you through this time in your life. A very nice poem but sad in the fact it is one of calling for help and not knowing where to go. I hope you get to feeling better and there is a way, positive thoughts have always helped me.
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Post by ara46 on Dec 31, 2004 7:38:25 GMT 10
thanks.hope you like this one as well. Lost In Myself.. I look into myself, And what do I see, choice's and voice's inside of me, Is life always this troubled and hard? Am I always alone? Is life always waiting to see if nobodys home? I find that when I look at myself, I dont really see I dont really know, What is exactly going on below, But life isnt always here to make it better, I dont think I should be really gratful for the trial's of it,It really isnt that big a hit, But if I fail it means more then jail,inside myself...
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Post by Goldmoon on Dec 31, 2004 7:59:09 GMT 10
Ara, a very deep and although sad poem of loss, a feeling of lonliness, doubt, troubles, you have put all those inner feelings into this poem. Knowing you like i do and the reason why you feel this way, let me say this. Life is full of ups and downs, true. We must keep our thoughts and chin upwards in believing in a higher power to make it all better. It will get better for you, i feel you need many people around you to thrive, not being alone. Your poem was well written but i see that cry for help in there. Your a great person and will survive this test, for that's all it is..a test to see how strong you are. Are you stong enough?
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Post by ara46 on Jan 6, 2005 12:11:27 GMT 10
my friend.I dont know if I can answer that. but here's another poem for you. Hope And Dreams.. As my time is going on, A memory come's to pass, A dream of perfect happiness, Waits for me at last, I walk in a valley, So clear, So pure, A wonder of nature, A delight to my eyes, Birds on the breeze flying up high, My life is healing, I'm not so alone, Hope awaits to take me home...
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Post by Goldmoon on Jan 6, 2005 12:59:33 GMT 10
But Ara you just answered that question with this poem. Hopes and Dreams here tells of a wish for happiness which you can't have unless your mind is clear. Very nice poem sweets. I like the way your getting better at it to. Keep writing them for me, i enjoy them alot.
Oh and by the way...5 point tribute for good poems *g*
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Post by Morgoth on Jan 7, 2005 0:16:02 GMT 10
Ara! Wow, these poems are so... I don't know, excellent just doesn't describe it. One could trace your path of feelings of hurt and despair through the poems. Your last seems to speak of hope and healing. To say the least, you have something here, dear girl! I've been having a bit of what some might consider a hard time lately as well, and I found that I could identify with your poems. This is one way, a very beautiful way, to let one's feelings out, and you do a fine job, if I do say so myself. I hope you get to feeling better, and keep writing poetry (and sharing it with us!!!!!!!!)
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Post by ara46 on Jan 7, 2005 6:42:34 GMT 10
aww thanks you two.*blushs*and I hope you feel better Mo.*smiles*
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Post by ara46 on Jan 13, 2005 4:30:05 GMT 10
oh here's another poem. The Awakening. I was alone for the longest time, A thought unchanged by friendship or ryhme, My chance's of having life normally were ever so slim, So one day I decided to go out on a limb, I made a few friends, Had a little fun, Looked up again and out rose the sun, The grey clouds were gone, The start of the day, My awakening is not very far away... this poem is for you Goldmoon and all the people who helped me through my dark phase. I wish to thank you all for that.
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Post by Goldmoon on Jan 13, 2005 17:50:10 GMT 10
Ah! Sweetie that is a very beautiful poem there. I simply love it. It speaks of one who has all hope and courage that anyone can relate to. Your poems are getting better the more you write to. The rhyming was supperb and the flow and word usage was jusst great. Also to answer your question about army? Well hon if you think you can do all that stuff, i'd say go for it. What could happen? Now for poem, i like the hope you portrayed in there. Very well done Ara, keep it up.
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Post by ara46 on Jan 28, 2005 4:51:40 GMT 10
oh and here's another poem.please forgive me if it sounds a little depressing. The tear's of one who love's. I watch her everyday I mourn for her in everyway. May God take care of her Because I wont be able to. I hoped she'd get over the drinking But she never did. It's not fair To a 15 year old kid. To lose one you love To something that stupid. She keeps on doing it And I dont know what to do. I love her very much. But she wont even listen to me And look up and see. There is more out there then she know's I cry inside to see her this way. And I hope one day she will..
This is for my Grandmother. Please God give her the rest she crave's and take care of her. I know this poem should probably be writen down.but I dont have enough paper and I wanted people to see what the real me is like.instead of some-one who posts online most of the time.
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